Issue of September 17, 2017
Mt. Province

Panagbenga Flower Festival
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Don’t judge me, I am not a book

Tonight at the Baguio Convention Center, Sonny T. and sibling Pinky’s production presents the coronation night of Ms. Baguio 2017. A bevy of beauties from various pedigrees of the highest form will vie for the crown and hopefully make their family, barangay and city proud. Together with the candidates during their feeding program sponsored by the Rotary Club of Downtown Session and Baguio Apaches at Pacdal, one could see the great potential each of them have and as the quip says, they are all winners in their own right.

In this lifetime, most often than not, I get invited to be a member of the board of judges or even to chair the panel of jurors. Not tonight though for I had to respectfully decline as our Pacdal interaction with them probably created favorites coupled with Karl Gabaen’s insistence that #10 must be the winner, Apache Chief Jonathan standing pat on #15, plus a Kindipan and a Manaois surname among the candidates, would create a suspicion or doubt of prejudging bias, so pass muna.

The fun part in beauty tilts which make up for the four or five hour agony of sitting while watching pretty women walk in stride in casual, evening gown and swimsuits, is the question and answer portion. Some have intelligent repartees while sometimes others have “sablay ang sagot” probably out of nervousness more on what Americans refer to as “blonde but dumb.”

A famous former Ms. International beauty says it all “Do not judge me, I am not a book!” (Do not judge a book by its cover.) When my friend Leon Guerrero o itago natin sa pangalang Lito Lapid had a tiff with her over support of their child, she said, “Hello. Huwag kang tumahol sa sarili mong bakuran noh! You know, huwag kang tumahol like a dog.” She added “I couldn’t care a damn!” Like a woman scorned, she demands,“He should be put behind bar.” You can fool me once, you can fool me twice, you can fool me thrice, but you can never fool me four.” Asked for a final message, she goes “Oo nga, pero i-English-in ko para maintindihan niya.” Then she looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty, she said, “And to you, I have only three words for you. Ang labo mo!”

Anyway, back to the question and answer portion. Over the years, as far can be recalled, read or told as war stories, here are outrageous answers, antidote for a stress free Sunday reading with brewed coffee.

Q: Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang C2O? A: Cold water!

Q: Where was Jose Rizal shot? A: At his back.

Q: Kung ang suka ay vinegar sa English, ano naman ang toyo? A: Crazy.

Q: Are you a vegetarian? A: I don’t eat meat. I’m not a carnival.

Q: Do you have a calling card? A: Why should I have a calling card? I’m not a call girl!

Q: Ano ang tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo? A: Kamag-anak.

Q: Anong “S” ang tawag sa doktor na nag-opera? A: Sadista.

Q: Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa? A: Baby oil.

Q: What is the supply side of economics? A: Can you repeat that for the second time around once more?

Q: Why do you consider yourself successful? A: That’s why I’m a success, it’s because I don’t middle in other people’s lives.

Q: What is your favorite quotation? A: A man’s success is a woman’s behind.

Q: What can you say about the problem in Marawi? A: It’s not my problem anymore. It’s their problem anymore.

Q: What do you think of President Trump? A: He was born on a silver spoon.

And for tonight’s Miss Baguio 2017 winner, you can always say, “My answers have been prayered.” Sigh.

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