In chess, a blunder can cost you the game, meaning you either resign, or get checkmated. A lawyer bungling a court case can send an innocent man to jail, or set a guilty one free. But a botched hostage crisis ends up with eight innocent tourists and a disgruntled dismissed policeman dead.

Oh, in case you haven’t noticed, the Philippines is not a safe country for foreign nationals.

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The day before the hostage drama, a Korean missionary was shot in an apparent robbery attempt. It seems the hapless Korean had just fetched three of his countrymen from the airport, and on their way home, were waylaid by the robbers.

And how many Indian money lenders have been robbed and killed while going about their business. Even a sightseeing American tourist is molested and murdered in peaceful Banaue town, where the once 8th wonder of the world is located.

And how many scions of rich Chinese families have been kidnapped for a ransom, a few of them slain by their captors despite ransom money being paid.

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Now the Hong Kong government wants their local tourists still in this country to come home ASAP, and for others to bypass the Philippines in their future travels abroad.

That’s a big blow to our already dying tourism industry. I do not think Baguio folks would mind however, if South Korea would also order its citizens to come home soonest. You know, just like some lawyers who were only too happy to throw a good riddance party for an RTC judge who was finally promoted to the Court of Appeals. Guess which one.

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Hey, during all the time the hostage drama was taking place, where was Manila mayor Alfredo Lim? Spray-painting the shanties of notorious drug addicts? And what about PNP Chief Jesus Verzosa? Not counting Euros, we hope.

And for nearly a whole day, not a peep out of Malacañang, no Noynoy Aquino assuring the Hong Kong government that the police were in constant touch with the hostage taker and doing everything possible to keep the hostages alive prior to their safe rescue – or release.

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It would have been funny had it not been tragic. A policeman trying to break down the bus door with a sledgehammer lets the hammer slips from his hands, and looking awkward while trying to retrieve it. Policemen lob teargas canisters inside the bus, bravely but foolishly enter the vehicle without gas masks, only to come out teary-eyed a few moments later.

A brother of the hostage taker calls up his siblings and says in Filipino, roughly translated thus: “Bro, I will take care of talking to the media so I can voice out your concerns to them, and if your conditions are not met, you can go right ahead with what you are doing.”

All these on live TV, beamed worldwide. What a life. Onli en da Pilipins!

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It isn’t really because Human Rights Commissioner Coco Quisumbing is an old maid that made her act the way she did, berating some members of media for their alleged lapses, almost like a university professor scolding her students, her voice a decibel or two higher, telling them that only her opinion matters in the classroom where she is god and queen wrapped into one—an infallible being.

Ah, sweet memories of college.

But I seem to sense a gender war that has been going on since Adam and Eve, and not really over apples – or serpents.

Men who hold high positions in government strut around stuffed peacocks, always shoving aside lesser mortals, if only to show who is boss. A woman, on the other hand, asserts herself differently, with a cold stare and a few choice words, her own way of telling all to be careful how to tread and act in her presence.

Brains and muscle are the men’s only primary weapons, while the women, if not able to wear the opposition down with their minds, will resort to tears, which easily melts the men’s heart, and if still that doesn’t work, parting their legs definitely will.

In the end, the men will be eating out of the hands of the women. Eve would be so proud, while poor Adam cringes in shame and disgust.

I may be wrong, but according to the devil himself, Mary Magdalene has better connections in heaven, than St. Peter.

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In the Miss Universe contest, a “major, major” answer might be a major mistake, probably the difference between a crown and a title, but along cockfighting row, a “major” is a sure winner. Congrats, Miss Venus Raj.

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But going back to the hostage national shame, how come, given the Filipino’s penchant for drama and fame, nobody played hero.

If only FPJ were alive. But then Erap is still around. Why didn’t he go to the Quirino Grandstand to convince police officer Mendoza to release his hostages and take him instead. Maybe Erap could have told Mendoza that the two together can better discuss Mendoza’s misfortunes and find a solution for them, even act as an emissary if need be.

Here’s how Erap lines would have played out. “Pare Lando, si Erap ito. Pare, pag-usapan natin ang problema mo, tayo lang dalawa. Kaya lang, pakawalan mo muna yang mga turista, kawawa naman sila, malayo pa ang kanilang uwian. Umiinom ka ba ng Blue? Kung gusto mo, isasama ko rin si Ara Mina.”