March 27, 2023

Sharing a few, old jokes to make us smile amidst the pandemic.

Marcus Tullius Cicero of the Roman Empire wrote this in 43 B.C., yet to date it remains true: 

1. The poor – work and work.

2. The rich – exploit the poor.

3. The soldier – protects both.

4. The taxpayer – pays for all three. 

5. The banker – robs all four.

6. The lawyer – misleads all five.

7. The doctor – bills all six.

8. The goons – scare all of seven.

9. The politician – lives happily on account of all eight.

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In our law firm, there are jargons and expressions that may sound dirty, but actually are not, like: 

1. Have you looked through her briefs?

2. He is one hard judge.

3. Let’s do it in my chambers. 

4. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute. 

5. Is it a penal offense?

6. Better leave the handcuffs on. 

7. For P2,500 an hour, she better be good.

8. Can you get him to drop his suit?

9. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. 

10. Think you can get me off?

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A senior citizen lawyer handed his bankbook and withdrawal slip card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw P500. The female teller told him, “For withdrawals less than P5,000, please use the ATM.” He asked, “Why?” The teller irritably told him, “These are rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line behind you.” She then returned the bankbook to the old man, who remained silent, but then he returned the bankbook to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.” 

The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down, and said to the old man, “My apologies po, you have P3.5 million in your account and our bank does not have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?” The old man then asked, “How much can I withdraw now?” The teller told him, “Any amount up to P300,000.” He said he wanted to withdraw P300,000 from his account. The teller did so quickly and handed it to him respectfully. The senior then took out P 500 and asked the teller to deposit the balance of P299,500 back into his account.

Lesson for the bank teller: Don’t be difficult with old people. They can outwit the young and dumb.

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And the walang kamatayang lawyer joke: How does an attorney sleep? Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

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As a lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery he asked, “Why are all the blinds drawn in here?” The nurse answered, “There’s a fire across the street and we didn’t want you to think the operation had been a failure.”

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A physician, an engineer, and a lawyer were discussing their professions. They were trying to determine which profession had been around the longest. The doctor said, “Doctors were first. In the good book, it states that Eve was created from one of Adam’s ribs. That required the first surgery. So, doctors were here first.”

The engineer said, “Nope, it also said, before Adam and Eve that God created the heavens and the earth. That required a lot of plans and engineering work, so engineers were here first.”

The lawyer said, “Sorry, guys, lawyers were here before all that. If you read a little closer, it says that in the beginning there was confusion.” 

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A man went to a lawyer and asked what his fee was. “P1,000 for three questions,” answered the lawyer. “Isn’t that a little steep?” said the man. “Yes,” said the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”

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If a lawyer and a revenue examiner were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the news?

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How many lawyer jokes do we have, anyway? Only three. The rest are true stories.