March 25, 2023

Dear Manang,
Is it already considered infidelity to think of an old love? There are many things in the environment that remind us of ex-boyfriends or even just crushes? Is this a betrayal of your husband’s trust or even a current boyfriend’s trust? It is harmless isn’t it?
Leeriza of Crystal Cave, Baguio City

Dear Leeriza,
There is an article online entitled, “Does ‘Mental cheating’ Hurt or Help a Romantic Relationship?” If our Christian faith is to be weighed in, the Biblical warning that desiring one’s neighbor in one’s heart amounts to adultery, says Psychology Today. It says it depends on how the couple agrees on it as a spice to life or as a source of jealousy. It is in no way harmless. The Bible already has it in the 10 Commandments.
Be faithful,

Dear Manang,
I recently learned about “Hedgehog’s Dilemma” by Sigmund Freud. I wonder if my group in junior high school has this. During critical days, times when we are going to have exams or when our parents misunderstand us, we get together and have a gripe session. These sessions always turn-out to be periods of cold wars. Instead of comforting each other, we hurt each other’s feelings. We band together again but the hurt never goes away. It is affecting us negatively.
Renoir of Camp 4, Tuba, Benguet

Dear Renoir,
This tendency to hurt each other is common, according to Freud.
In these Covid-19 times, this Hedgehog’s Dilemma is common. Psychology Today says, “Many of us wish to have stronger relationships and discard all of our cautious behavior, yet we are too afraid to be hurt.”
First, we need to accept ourselves and our weaknesses before we can even function in a group. Actually, it is the ability to talk about a hurt but accept first that you have a weakness. The pain is stoked when we feel that it is only us who hurt and not the other person. We ask, “Why am I hurt? Why did I get hurt?”
Know yourself,