I was betrayed by my husband. Estranged for 10 years, we recently got in touch because our son was having some problems. Then we began to talk about the best solution to pacify our son who was so angry at my sister whom he revealed maltreated him as a child when I left my husband to go abroad. My son threatened to take my grandson away and transfer him to my estranged husband, who is incapable. In the midst of the problem, we got closer because we needed to resolve the issue and he hinted at getting back together. I asked him about his relationships with other women and he said he had none. Then suddenly his girlfriend appeared, and everything crashed. I feel so humiliated and hate him so much. Is this wrong?
Rachel of Sablan, Benguet
Of all the feelings, betrayal leaves you with hate and anger. You are the scorned woman and that feeling is so described as “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” and this is understandable as a reaction but totally irrational a condition to be in. I am afraid of you because I know there is no reason that will calm you down at this point. My only advice is don’t do anything that you will regret later. Hold your tongue. The lies will continue, and you know it well. Your resolve should be to move on again as you did for 10 years.
How do I not love someone? The ups and downs of the relationship are caused by my jealousy. He is married but left him more than 15 years ago. He has had many women and I said to myself that I would only give up if he returned to his wife. But I still want him to be mine alone. I am not ready to let go. Is there an antidote to jealousy?
Alex of San Carlos, Baguio City
We are naturally prone to jealousy when we love someone and there is a threat that the apple of our eye is going to be taken away. It is the degree to which this jealousy exists that makes it worth all the love. If this becomes excessive and provokes you to harm others or harm yourself, then it is not good. The only antidote to this excessive love expressed in jealousy is your understanding it as such and controlling it. You are your own key. The sooner you overcome that emotion, the better.