September 30, 2023

The circus is back, time off to grin and bear.

A politician says at the start of his term, “I will serve only for one term” but is now seeking another. Isn’t it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying is years in jail, but the penalty for a politician lying to the people is three more years in office?

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this, I’m a congressman!”
“In that case,” replied the mugger, “give me my money.”

The night before the election, Manny was very confident and told his Jinky, “This time tomorrow night, you’ll be sleeping with the President of the Philippines.”
After election day, the couple headed to bed. Jinky was getting undressed when she asked, “Ow, how does this work? Is Bongbong coming over here or I’m supposed to go over there?”

A news reporter asked a presidential candidate how he wants to proceed with the abortion bill. He responds, “Shhh… I said I would pay it!”

The day after a local music composer’s funeral, a drunken man, having just left the bar, passed by the cemetery where he heard a strange sound. Looking for the source of the mysterious sound, he discovered it was coming from the musician’s grave. Alarmed, he called his friends, and found they could hear the sound too (even the sober ones).
Soon, a crowd was forming at the graveyard. The mayor, who was very familiar with music, recognized the sound as Beethoven’s 9th Symphony played backwards. When it ended, Beethoven’s 8th Symphony started playing, also backwards, and then the 7th, then the 6th, and so forth. At dawn, having reached a conclusion, the mayor said to the gathering crowd:
“There’s nothing to fear, gentlemen. He’s just decomposing.”

So, Pedro decided to become a councilor and calls the sangguniang panlungsod secretary.
Pedro: You guys need any councilor?
SPS: Are you retarded or stupid?
Pedro: No, but I’m willing to learn.

The candidates for mayor are having lunch together and they’re discussing why each thinks they’ll win.
“I have the support of women and minorities,” says B.
“I have the support of intellectuals,” says D.
“I have the support of the average man tired of politics as usual,” says E.
M just smiles. “I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines!”