Jeers, cheers, and tears (Petition)
The Filipino people, through the undersigned citizen of the Republic, and unto the Honorable Supreme Court of the Earth, and of the heavens, most respectfully aver:
In his State of the Nation Address (SONA) on July 26, 2021, Respondent Rodrigo Duterte (hereinafter referred to as the Respondent) painted a glowing and rosy picture of the nation under his watch, beginning with his Build, Build, Build program that has resulted – so he says – in a robust economy, making life better for the average Filipino.
Respondent further claims that his war against drugs has made it safe for parents and children to walk our streets sans fear of being mugged, robbed, or being killed by drug addicts needing money to sustain their vice.
Respondent, however, rues that corruption under his administration or any other is impossible to eradicate, but fails to say whether it has been contained, minimized, or has increased by leaps and bounds – this according to Sen. Manny Pacquiao.
Following one hyperbole after another, Respondent ends his hours long speech (boring, boring, as my friend Wilbert would say) with the heroic allegation that the dreaded pandemic beguiling us and all of mankind is being promptly addressed by the Department of Health under Sec. Francisco Duque (sic), and by way of apology, sheepishly states that he is just being friendly with the Chinese, not having the manpower and resources to pick a fight with them, much less go to war for a losing cause.
Obviously, no one bothered to inform Res-pondent that lost causes are the only ones worth fighting for.
The Cause of the Filipino people (Hereinafter referred to as Petitioners)
As earlier admitted by the undersigned in a previous forum, Petitioners are unhappy when they are only happy, and they need to be happier, and so on and so forth.
Life to them is not just three square meals a day and a peaceful existence. Foremost to the Petitioners is the future of their children, but with school still out and the family savings all gone, Petitioners fear a bleak tomorrow.
In sum, Respondent must come up with alternatives, and the first order of the day is to fire one Francisco Duque, and put on hold all the rest, particularly the military, tasked with the duty of containing the pandemic.
Petitioners grant that Health Spokesperson Maria Rosario S. Vergeire does a better job than the fat and thin Malacañang tandem, Sol and Harry, who should likewise be fired for turning a blind eye to the current situation, but with open and ready ears to their boss, shooting their mouths off trying to defend the undefendable.
Petitioners also deplore that while thousands of drug dependents have been killed – many unlawfully – no drug lord like Lim Seng has been lined up against the wall and execu-ted by firing squad.
Law enforcement officers are often with cahoots with drug, gambling, and other lords, if not acting independently on their own, confiscating and recycling contraband that earns them millions.
(Eat your heart out, Roger Federer, our policemen wear Rolex watches too.)
In Respondent’s drug war, only the messengers are being killed, but are quickly replaced by others in need of money.
For every thousand drug dependents killed, twice their number are soon recruited to a lucrative trade.
Lastly, Petitioners would like to see Respondent stand up to China by pouring Chinese tea on the face of a poacher with chinky eyes.
Respondent should take a hint from Hidilyn Diaz, Olympic gold medal winner, who has done us all proud in more ways than one.
Diaz didn’t need to add a kilogram to her barbell (the Chinese girl lifted 126, kilograms and all that she needed to do was follow suit and still win the gold.)
But she took a calculated risk by adding one kilogram to her lift. If she had failed, the gold would have gone to her Chinese rival.
But if only to shame the powerhouse Chinese Olympic team that Filipinos love a good fight, Diaz lifted 127 kilograms that totally silenced the Chinese coaching staff.
For Purposes of Pre-trial
Petitioners marked in exhibit and submit the following documentary paperwork:
A picture of the Chinese armada guarding Philippine waters and other Philippine-owned territory;
A picture of Xi Jinping patting Respondents’ back;
A picture of Xi Jinping patting the head of his dog;
A tape recording of all Respondent’s jokes, curses, and other foul language.
Petitioners pray the Honorable Court to:
Require Respondent to go to mass everyday to remove the cobwebs from his brain, and thus be enlightened (Huwag maging petty at pikon).
Wash Respondent’s mouth with soap as punishment for his dirty language;
Give him a grade of 74.99 when he leaves office;
Grant him more years of a healthy and strong life so he can enjoy his retirement with his family and grandchildren.
For Manila, Baguio City,
July 31, 2021
Benedicto “Benny” Carantes
Counsel for Petitioners