September 30, 2023

Our New Yorker John stepped foot at the university as an Architecture freshman last Monday for his first ever face-to-face classes. After graduating from Grade 12 without attending classes physically as the pandemic forced him and every other student to online learning, he attended his first and last day of high school during the stepping up ceremony, which we oldies called graduation.

So, he struts off to school, enters a classroom where he listens attentively to the orientation being given and then the teacher dismisses the class, and he wondered why since his schedule says one hour more. Then he finds out that oops, he entered the wrong classroom. It could have been worse.

First day at college, the class was full of students. He was late for five minutes and couldn’t find an empty chair. The professor tells him to go to the next class and grab a chair. He goes to the door next but it was full of students as well. He asked if he can grab a chair and all the students laughed, then he realized that it was same classroom and he just opened the backdoor of the same classroom.

It runs in the family, I think. Ton at Law school entered a classroom for his exam and lo and behold, it was empty and he was all by his lonesome, wrong classroom. On my first day as a 19-year old college instructor at the Commerce department, I entered the faculty room and was promptly sent out by the then English Department head Mrs. Ortega, who berated me for what she thought a student entering the exclusive domain of professors.

Meekly I muttered, “New faculty po ako ma’am,” and she embarrassedly laughed and let me in, giving me the best table available in the room.

Back to college life and the fun begins. So, the story goes: Three law students absented themselves for a “standing” gin-drinking spree at that Macabalo underground barbershop-cum-bar in General Luna Road. It was an all late-nighter and obviously they forgot the midterm quiz in Civil Law scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they came up with a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt, went to Dean Ikong and said they had gone out to Alaminos for a research but on their return, the tire of their car burst. They had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So, the understanding dean said they could take the test after three days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time. On D-day, the dean said since it was a special exam, he required separate classrooms for each. The exam had only two questions for 100 points.

Q.1. State name (2 points) and Q.2. Which tire burst? (98 points) a) Front left, b) Front right, c) Back left, d) Back right.

A law student went to the school canteen and tried to be chummy and sit at a table with his professor. The terror teacher snarled at the student with an arrogant face and said, “I do not sit with lowly peons,” and the smartass replied with a grin, “Then I shall fly on, sir.”

The terror prof was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student.

At the oral exam, he asked the most difficult questions, but he had amazing answers for everything. Then, the clincher, “You’re walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?” The student chose gold. “Unfortunately, I don’t agree. I’d choose cleverness because that’s more important than money,” said the terror prof. The student’s retort was, “Everyone would choose what they don’t have.”

The teacher turned red, was so angry, and told him to withdraw his class card where he wrote “Idiot.” The student leaves without looking then returns shortly, saying, “Excuse me sir, you signed my paper, but you forgot to give me my grade.”

The same smart guy went to the library and sat with a girl. “Can I sit beside you?” The girl replied with a loud voice, “No, I don’t want to spend the night with you!” All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to him saying, “I study Psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?” He responded with a loud voice, “P1,500 for one night? That’s way too much!” All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. He then stood and whispered in her ear, “I study law, and I know how to screw people.”

So, like Spiderman (who went to college to have a “web” page) says, “with great power comes great responsibility,” but one does not need to take the fun away.

Be cool and enjoy college life!