March 28, 2023

I saw the photos of Presidential Spokesperson Harry Roque and Barry Gutierrez pasted together on the front page of a national broadsheet and I wondered about whose face is more credible.
My son Marc laughs and tells me that spokespersons are never credible, since they mouth only lies that work in favor of their respective bosses.
Anyway, Harry’s puffy cheeks are matched only by Barry’s silly grin.

I honestly think that women have the edge even if the guy sings better than they do.
Please, I speak not of lonely matrons and unhappy widows out for action.

But Roque was acting more like an outraged househelp responding to the tweets of Robredo’s daughter against his master.
Instead of leaving things alone, Roque takes issues with a college girl coming to the aid of her mom.
Nothing to do with politics, not at all offensive to Malacañang.

But Barry’s comment – funny, but I can’t seem to shake off his toothsome smile – on the aforesaid little word war, injected politics into it. “My God, so many people suffering etc., etc.” smacks of earning pogi points for the Vice President, whose people was said to have uttered, while distributing relief goods to typhoon victims, “Nasaan ang Pangulo?”

I mean Robredo could have made better points if she had followed the remark with, “Pina-una lang po ako ng Pangulo. Huwag po kayong mag-alala, darating at darating po siya sa kalaunan.”
By the way, Mr. Gutierrez, invoking the Lord’s name in vain is violative of the Ten Commandments, if not Church tenets. God has nothing to do with mouthpieces.

If you look and listen more closely, the word of mouth is that most Filipinos no longer trust lawyers, doctors, and military people.
Poor attorneys, Shakespeare started it all. The jokes and stories about them that followed the Bard’s famous line, “Let’s kill all the lawyers” are exacting its toll on the world’s noblest profession, prompting members of the Bar to say, when introduced to others, “Please don’t take it against me.”

In our well-known Metro Manila Medical Center, their doctors, staff members, and medical facilities are of such high quality most patients, following confinement for a time, come out cured of their illness, no matter how grave.
Alas, however, most suffer fatal heart attacks when presented with the hospital bill – six figures minimum, often seven.

It used to be that when not feeling well, you call up your doctor for medical advice, which usually was, “Take two aspirin, and call me in the morning.”
Now it’s, “You need to come over ASAP, so I can make a thorough check-up. I don’t like the sound of your cough.”

“Oy, it’s good you came. We will have to do an immediate operation.”
Stick to the private practitioners. They can only make you feel good because their fees are just to your liking. And your cough only means a bad cold.
I have lost count of how many retired military officers are currently holding government positions.
But let’s not stray away from home. Retired general Benjamin Magalong is not only Baguio City mayor, but also the contact tracing czar of the country, which means he jumps from one job to the other.
While doing so, the Covid-19, quite curiously, also jumps from one barangay to the other.
Now when you refuse entry to residents of neighboring towns and open your doors to tourists from Manila, that’s discrimination, which is one form of racism.
Again seeing buildings being demolished for encroaching on government land appears to give the impression that the city leadership is always in action, but it diverts attention away from other happenings, like all the vices are back in town – jueteng, monte, salisi, and despite the posturings of the Public Order and Safety Division, motorists are not safe from them, allowing kunwari parking, but as soon as the driver leaves his vehicle, presto, they appear and disappear with your car plates.
They also need to take lessons on etiquette and right conduct from Emily Post, but I guess they never heard of her.

Vaccines, when available, should be distributed in the following order:
Government employees first, starting with the street sweepers and ditch diggers, messengers, and clerks.
Next would be the SPO1s, or those who man the traffic even under the worst weather conditions.
Then the public school teachers and their pupils. After them, wives, mothers, and children of the different barangays, together with the street beggars, and vendors.
And if there are enough vaccines left, the college students and university professors.
The others? Never mind the prelates, God will take care of them.
The politicians and government officials? Let Satan attend to them.
The underworld criminals and police officers conniving with them? Inject their butts with something else. Venom, maybe.
And for mistresses and prostitutes, one million cc of general serum before the vaccine.

My granddaughter Maddie, baptized Amanda Noelle, didn’t cry while the priest was pouring water over her forehead during her baptismal rites, a little late given the pandemic.
My Melpether, Maddie’s dad, after a year-long dry spell, had one too many, and his Pam was furious, forgiving him only after two days of cold treatment.
Well, son, there will be more to follow unless you behave, but I know you will.
Welcome to the Christian world, sweetheart.
Marc and I will see you in December, vaccine or no vaccine.

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