May 24, 2024

Too much worries nowadays and considering the limitations, we might as well retell funny stories, jokes sourced from old copies of Reader’s Digest which was my high school manual then, the Internet, or even friends who believe that laughter is the best medicine.

Sad news for those who believe in Santa. He won’t be able to arrive on time on Christmas Eve because of the 14 -day quarantine requirement of the Inter-Agency Task Force for those travelling from abroad.

At Sunday school, the younger children were drawing pictures illustrating Biblical stories. The teacher walked by and noticed one little boy was drawing an airplane! “Oh, what Bible story are you drawing?” she asked. “This is the flight into Egypt,” the little boy answered. “See, here is Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus. And this,” he said, pointing to the front of the plane, “is Pontius. He’s the pilot.”

The lawyer asked his daughter what she wanted for Christmas. She replied she wanted something fast; that would be able to go from zero to 160-kilometers/hour in more or less four seconds, going without saying that she wanted a new car. The lawyer was Ilokano and was a bit of a cheapskate. So for Christmas, he gave her daughter a weighing scale!

A mafioso’s son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, “Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new…” He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away. He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, “Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new…” He again looks at it and throws it away. He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother’s room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, “Dear baby Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation. “I think it’s raining,” says the man. “No, it’s snowing.” replies the woman. “How about we ask this communist officer of here? He is always right!” exclaims the man, “Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?” “Definitely raining,”officer Rudolph replies before walking off. The man turns to his wife with a smile. “See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

One day, Santa saw a young deer with a glowing nose of red…he smiled at him and waved to young creature. The deer dropped his bottle of gin and exclaimed “Oh Sh!t…it’s Santa!” And ran away. Santa rubbed his beard and shook his head. “I think I’ll call that one Rude-off.”

A lady lawyer takes her 17-year-old daughter to her obstetrician friend. The doctor says, “Okay, ma’am, what’s the problem?” The mother says, “It’s my daughter Jing. She keeps getting these cravings for champoy. She’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”
The doctor gives Jing a good examination then turns to the mom and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this but your Jing is pregnant. About four months would be my guess.” The mom reacts in disbelief.“Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Jing?” Jing says, “No mom! I’ve never been touched or kissed by a man!” The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out. About five minutes passed and finally the mom says, “Is there something wrong out there doctor?”
The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss it this time!”Ay apo! Sigh.