The what-if syndrome
What will you do if your greatest what-if is right in front of you? Will you be happy or sad? Have you fully moved on or do the memories still linger in your mind? Are those memories sweet, bittersweet, or stingy? Most importantly, what is your greatest what-if? Is it a person, a university, or perhaps a decision you wished you’ve never made?
We make decisions each day and we can’t help to think if these decisions are the right ones. In the process of making these decisions, countless of what-ifs are formed. We sometimes find ourselves staring at the ceiling or a wall, thoughts dancing inside our minds. What if I took the risk? What if I said yes? What if I made the wrong decision? Questions flood our brains. Useless questions that keep us awake at night invade our thoughts and millions of what-ifs creep their way into our minds which make us overthink every single thing. Our greatest what-if can vary. It can be our dream university, job, lifestyle, car, or even a person. Sometimes, these what-ifs also come with a bunch of regrets. With every what-if, there’s a sana involved. “Sana hindi ko ‘yun ginawa, kung hindi ko ‘yun ginawa edi masaya pa sana ako ngayon.” “Sana I was more honest with my feelings, kung ginawa ko ‘yun siguro maayos pa kami.” “Sana dun sa kabilang university na lang ako nag-aaral.” These thoughts may affect our lifestyle and well-being. We have to find a way to get away from them.
Meeting or seeing your greatest what-if can spark an unknown emotion. You might feel bittersweet, sad, angry, disappointed, relieved or even feel a faint sense of epiphany. These feelings might trigger some memories too, happy, sad, and even angry ones. These memories may linger in our memory for as long as they want. You may try to forget these, but the thing is memories don’t really vanish. They’re just locked up and buried somewhere deep down waiting for something to trigger them and break them free. Memories of our greatest what if will always stay in our hearts. No matter how hard we try to get rid of them, they will always find a way to our hearts and brains. Our what-ifs and sana will always stay here because it’s like a gap in our hearts. A gap that grows wider and wider every time a what if or a sana clouds our thoughts.
Let’s go back to the question, what will you do if your “greatest what-if” is right in front of you? Will you smile or ignore? Have you fully let go or are you still longing for your what-if? What are you gonna do with your what-ifs and sana? With every what-if, there’s a sana involved, but I hope you can make a space for serendipity and epiphany to happen in your life.
Believe it or not, but your greatest what if is a big part of your life. It’s a big fraction that makes you you, which is why you have to accept it as a whole and let go. Stop clinging to what-ifs and sana, and move on. There’s more to life than that. You will never experience the beauty of life and be truly happy if you keep on holding on to those thoughts. Let go, be free, and breathe.