“No matter how much you love someone, you still should not give everything to that person.”That’s one of the lessons I learned from my heartbreak in 2023. We were workmates and we never really thought of falling in love with each other. Just like any other relationships, we were so happy at first. We meet every day and we always enjoy each other’s company.
For the first three months, we never thought about breaking up. A lot of things happened in our individual lives and there was even a time when we shifted to a long-distance relationship.
When he went back to Baguio, he worked in a different company. We were strong but on our fourth month, that was the time when I unexpectedly knew something. After I saw a conversation of him and a girl, I immediately asked him who that girl was. Of course, he said the girl is just a workmate. Our relationship was like a roller coaster ride. A lot of things changed from our daily conversations to our quality time with each other.
Long story short, I witnessed how he cheated on me. I saw how he was sweeter to the other girl than how he was with me. I forgave him a lot of times and I admit that I became a martyr until I was drained, and I said to myself that I could not handle anymore how cold our relationship became. I just continued loving him despite all that he has done and for more than two months, I just endured the pain because I was thinking of the future that we planned together.
It was difficult to move on because all of my workmates know him and just mentioning his name annoys me. During my healing period, I constantly questioned my worth and I kept on comparing myself to the girl that he replaced me with. I also continued to visit his social media accounts and I saw that he had multiple relationships after ours.
It was an everyday battle that I had to face and I was really affected mentally. After four months, I have finally moved on and accepted the fact that we were not for each other.
My greatest lesson from that experience is that I should not give everything that I have whenever I am in a relationship. When you feel that a relationship is already hurting you so much that leads to losing yourself, that’s the time when you can say that love is not love anymore because true love should not hurt you.
True love exists when a relationship gives you comfort and peace. You cannot give what you do not have so you should always love yourself first and find fulfillment in your own company before loving others so you will not be drained in the end.
Honestly, with all my realizations, I admit that it is so difficult to trust someone after what happened in the past. My trust issues and insecurities became worst and whenever someone tries to confess to me, I always think that they’re not serious.
I believe that my trust issues and insecurities will all fade when someone accepts me and assures I do not have something to worry about and I really hope that I will meet him someday.
April 28, 2024
