HAVE YOU EVER felt – any, most, or all of these: ‘left behind’? “avoided”? “unwanted”? “left alone”? “abandoned”? or even “isolated” (e.g. willfully prevented from contact with a close or dear one)?
IF YES(!), THEN: HOW? How long? How did it go, generally-speaking? If No(!) or Not yet(!), it should or may interest you anyway.. since it is outside the sphere of your Experience?
LET ME START the Discussion by answering the above three-questions, in relation to my personal life experiences – which you may use as your ‘references’, when doing your own self-reflections and analyses.
“HOW?”, IT HAPPENED many times before. “How long?”, until this time, I still experience it – or bits of it. “How does/did it go?”, varied answers nl. Some ‘sad’, some ‘painful’, some ‘nostalgic’, some ‘hurting’, of course: some ‘[psychologically] rewarding’. Now, the actual-instances:
I FIRST EXPERIENCED a kind of ‘Isolation’ – when I was yet in High School.
YOU SEE, I was not from the Place; I was from a Municipality downstreamwards or Papsawan – 2.5 hours away, that time by (Dangwa) bus ride.
THE CLASSMATES OR others around would start teasing me by asking where I was from, like: “where do they say you’re from, again?”
ANSWERING THE TRUTH, ‘from Binga’ I would say, and guffaws (daughter Gretchen call this: lols! Which stands for “lots of laughs, and even more”); yes, guffaw they go.. most of them, or all of them.
ONE SOBER-SEEMING WOULD come forward to say: “I didn’t know there’s a place called that.. Binga? Why, it’s that native shell in the lakes, streams, and rivers! Ain’t that so, guys? And
GUFFAW! THEY GO anew. I usually waited that time; then, when all had their Fill, I declare:
‘YES, I KNOW.. and my place is called that because long time ago, the founders harvested plenty of it for viand, or side-dish. Three of my grandparents came from here – by the way, and they were among pioneers of Sitio Binga!
SOME OF THEM.. their faces would blush; some, just plain stolid and silent; some, with eyes and/or mouth opened – ‘not so wide’ though; just to unlet go the Nabaloi Expression (EXPR): Aya, gayam oh? in English meaning: “Is that.. really so?”
AFTER THE INSTANCE – or something like it, some of my that-time Audience would not talk to me, or not openly say, Hello! etc.; my ‘Isolation’ from them would either be resulting to acquaintance – sooner or later, but all real, as far as I can remember.
MY SECOND EXPERIENCE was when in the University, in Baguio City.
I HAPPENED TO be a Salutatorian graduate of a local Mission High School allied to the University. That distinction qualified me to enroll in the University as a “Half-tuitional Scholar”.
OF COURSE I was happy but I was assigned to a Classical Section (that time) – different from a “Star-” or “Class A” section.
MY NEW ‘CLASSICAL’ classmates were trained in Latin; in my case, we had only Spanish as one subject in Fourth Year High School.
WHEN THEY LAUGHED in-group, I didn’t. ‘What’s that again?’ I would ask myself. Then, listening some more or closer, I would discover: they were trying to imitate – or articulate (!) a Latin term or expression, one teacher of theirs.. is so fond of, or otherwise: keeps repeating in class, each time..
BUT REFLECTING NOW and then, it was not only their Latin ‘jokes’ that kept me ‘left alone’ or ‘isolated’. Perhaps – and I stand corrected, in case, it was because of ‘other reasons’, like:
IN THOSE TIMES, ‘many felt that graduates from the provinces had not-as-good training in High School, as those from the cities. [Is this ‘feeling’ still on-line, folks? Please hold your reins].
AND WHATABOUT NOT just a ‘Feeling’ of Isolation, but a literal, Physical one.
YES, THAT TOO I’m experiencing it even now. Most of the children are somewhere working and sharing time and feelings with their families respective.. though they don’t forget to send me their love and care, through their messages.
EVEN THOSE CLOSE to me or related, they’re busy – doing a living, or just spending time with their other-side co-clan or extended family kindred; these make me feel remotus. Woe!
