April 17, 2024

Me-mas is the newest word one can disco-ver. A lot of politicians talk without thinking, me-masabi lang, especially where the abusive solons wield the supposed power of contempt with threats or actual imprisonment for ans-wers they want to hear from their invited witnesses.
They even decide how long or where they would be detained although they are neither judges nor learned lawyers who have a say on the justice system. Maybe we should really amend the constitution and require a qualification so that nincompoops will not be elected in the august halls of Congress or the Senate just to talk and talk, me mas, me mas.
Better to laugh and grin on old jokes about your honors, which makes me remember the gallery at the House of Representatives where I served two terms as congressman.
There was a debate on the tax reforms, but even before it could start, two congressmen were already in a heated argument.
One said, “You are a womanizer and a crook!” The other retaliated by shouting on top of his voice, “You are a gambler and a liar!” At this point, Speaker JDV banged his gavel and said, “Now that the gentlemen have introduced themselves, let us proceed with the session.”
Then there was a congressman, whom we shall call Damaso, who had a late night-out with his Secretary na itatago natin sa pangalan na Josephine. As the session hall proceedings was going on, he went to sleep until he started snoring. The assistants tried to wake him up but to no avail.
To avoid a crisis, his seatmate, a congressman from Pangasinan, ordered that spoiled fish be taken from the kitchen. When it arrived, the naughty seatmate passed the spoiled fish over the nostrils of our sleeping solon and immediately, he awoke saying “Not now Josephine, not now!”
During a legal medicine class on autopsy, students from the College of Medicine near the Batasang Pambansa cut the reproductive organ of the horse they were using as a specimen and threw it out of the window, where it happily ended up the trees fronting the office of Congressman Damaso.
One of his secretaries saw it and said it was a twig, another said it was a leaf. Finally and to end all arguments, they called Josephine and asked her to describe what she saw. Immediately, Josephine said “My God, Congressman Damaso is dead!”
During the earthquake, at the Baguio Cathedral, a man was praying very hard before the image of Jesus Christ, “Diyos ko po, walang wala na akong pera. Bigyan niyo lang po ako ng P100 pambili ng gas at ulam para sa mga anak ko.” Fortunately, a senator passed by and overheard his prayers. Dahil maawin siya, he immediately took out his wallet but saw that he only had P50 left. Anyway, he said this would buy at least one-half of what he is praying for.
So, he said “Mama, ito ho ang singkuwenta pesos.” The praying man took the money, recognized him and turned to Jesus and said, “Maraming salamat po sa pagtulong niyo, kaya lang sa uulitin po, huwag niyo nang idaan sa senador, para hindi na mahati ‘yung pinadala ninyo!”
Three men, a doctor, an engineer, and a congressman were marooned in an island surrounded by crocodiles. To reach land they had to swim across the channel, so the doctor who was a champion swimmer in his college days made the first attempt but as soon as he stepped into the water he was gobbled up by a crocodile.
The engineer was wiser, he built a canoe, but midway, the canoe was attacked and sunk by the crocodiles. The third attempt was done by the Cong, who simply showed his identification card as a member of the House.
Immediately the crocodiles formed themselves into a bridge where the congressman walked atop to safety. When the crocodiles were asked why they did it, they answered, “Professional courtesy lang ‘yon, boss.”
An 80-year-old senator is having his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he’s feeling. “I’ve never been better!” he replies. “I’ve got an 18-year-old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?” The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, “Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who’s an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he’s in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, he’s in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him. He raises his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him.” That’s impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear.” “Exactly.”
Okis ti saba! Me-mas, me mas. Sigh.