WHEN I WAS yet a Ph.D. student, I was that ‘active’ – or extra emphatic in the Discussions – especially on: individuality, freedom, rule, influence, originality and Existence – in general.
SOME OF MY classmates, I know: they were fascinated; some, just let-me be; some, perchance found my points of emphasis – too deviating, or else ‘radical – from the everyday realities of life’, they used-to say in those times. So that,
ONE CLOSE CLASSMATE of mine confided to me: ‘you know what that foreigner woman classmate of ours was saying?’ I shook my head. Then, she went:
‘SHE WAS ASKING me and seatmate Margarita: “why is this man so intense in his questions and stances? Is he not happy? Is he not married? and so on”.
“AND WHAT DID you say too”, said I. and he replied: ‘I’m not privy to his personal life, nor is Margarita here. What we know is he’s from the province and often, you can see him in the campus thinking alone or deeply – and in functions rarely joking. I guess our other classmates know that too. But what really makes us listen when he talks is the way he drives those points – cum examples, of everyday applications. You find him, queer or something?’
[THE FOREIGN CLASSMATE said] No, not really. He’s just perhaps a new, different classmate, I guess. Now, or this time (2022), I can
MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND better – if ever I meet them again. I can explain why I constantly defended Sartre’s Rat-in-the planet, or Nietzsche’s ‘independence’, or even Kierkegaard’s ‘Rising above the crowd’. In short, I espoused man’s total freedom from control – except a few things that may hamper his movement:
AFTER THESE PANDEMIC years (2.5 already) I have realized: man – after all, can only isolate himself, live alone – and may ‘enjoy’ doing this ‘for some time’ – how long? Who knows? But
AFTER SOME TIME, simple boredom sets in: and he looks for some other activities to while this boredom off, like: listening to music, doing some exercises, or manual tasks, and other related communications of man with ‘non-human’ entities. Again, how long? Nobody knows. Still
THIS PURSUIT FOR joy or happiness cannot be had by ‘staying out’ of man’s world. The party invitations, he secretly savours inside-self, by declining; the neighbour’s short conversations, he does it fast and gives his arthritic bouts as reasons, and so on; but, from time to time; or, after some time, he feels ‘empty’ or ‘lacking’ – in something. He doesn’t know what, and he guesses. Then,
HE ASKS OTHERS if he can ask them something; and to those who answer ‘Yes, you may’, ‘Yes, why not?’ and so on, he confides that lacking, missing ‘something’. They throw back ‘what’s that something?’ ‘what do you mean by missing?’ and so forth. All or most of these ‘generalizations’ have happened since times past, and are now happening to me. So that
AT PRESENT, REALLY only now did I wake up and am soberly realizing enough – these times I need to communicate more, talk with some more people – for these times are not like the times previous. Hurrah, after all those years, the Expression: ‘Man can not live alone’ has in me re-surfaced! Ayo ,Ayo, Ino!