June 1, 2023

I was depressed this week but I wanted to watch Avatar too. So I did the latter.
I have a regular visitor, some days they leave early, other days they were testing my hospitability. One thing is for sure, they were not meant to stay forever.
The first time it came, they did not introduce their name. But I did not shoo them away, instead I offered them my peaceful and cozy abode. When it was time to go, they left me gasping for air in an ocean of worries and doubts.
I told my friends about them. Some shrugged the awkwardness off, others listened hoping to say the right words. One thing is for sure, they meant well for me.
It is an uncomfortable conversation yet demands to be heard. It was bittersweet to know that some friends were not standing beside you but stepping on your cape. One is meant to fly, and we must be with a flock who thinks alike.
I told my brother; we went for a winding joy ride. We were more alike than I thought for I watched him talk passionately about his quest for finding more twists and turns. I did not know how to laugh that day but he laughed for me – loud and cheery. This was the first time I saw my brother as kindhearted and lighthearted as taught by our folks.
I told my parents; they asked me to explain it for them to understand. The first words that came to my mouth were “I do not know; I just feel it.” My mother, as clingy as she is, gave me the longest hug. My father, as reserved as he is, told a metaphor. He said back in the day, they would hunt and shoot birds as a hobby. Thinking about it now, he said every living thing should have the liberty to live its purpose.
I told a stranger and she was graceful enough to sit through it with me. Words from her mouth were calculated yet beautifully clear. She was guiding me to navigate where they came from, the reason for the visit, and what to do next time I let them in. I let her see beneath my yellows and showed my blues. Hours pass by, my weary eyes longed to not just sleep but feel rested.
I told my sister, and she said, “Let us go watch the new Avatar!” With big eyes and a hopeful smile, we went to the movies and saw it. All hands clapped for director James Cameron and every person who made the movie possible. I cried at least five times throughout the movie, after weeks of shoving down my sappy feelings. As Jake would put it, “The great mother holds all her children in her heart” and “I can’t save my family by running.” I was assured of a greater being who knows every visit and how He makes me come back home every time I run away.
I chose to watch Avatar with my little sister and I am glad I did.