May 18, 2024

Dear Manang,
My neighbor has an arrogant son. He doesn’t smile and he is rude, even to the dogs. I wonder if the attitude is a defense mechanism for a deep seated pain. He is the eldest of four children. The neighborhood gossips say they have different fathers. Could that be a reason too? How can I help him?
Nellie of P. Zamora, Baguio City

Dear Nellie,
Research tells me, “Being directly confrontational with an arrogant person will get you nowhere except maybe extremely frustrated. However, Latoya Neumann points out that it is best to be tolerant of the self-absorption of arrogant people, who require more understanding of the root causes of their behavior. In many instances, arrogance is used as a means of dealing with deeply rooted internal struggles.” You may be right about the lack of one father image that is a source of embarrassment but is outwardly shown as rudeness. As she advises, we simply acknowledge these kinds of people with firm kindness and respect.
Be unaffected,

Dear Manang,
Cancer has no miracles. I am 30 but cancer is eating up my colon. I don’t want my parents and family to suffer financially. I am struggling with them to just let me deal with my cancer my way. I recently read about advance directives that Congress passed for the terminally ill. I want to go to a lawyer and have my will and advance directives listed. I want my organs donated. I don’t want chemotherapy. I don’t want machines attached to my body. I do not want to be resuscitated if my heart stops, and I want the simplest burial within 48 hours. My mother glares at me when I bring the subject up.
Jini of Queen of Apostles, Baguio City

Dear Jini,
You are right. The 14th Congress passed the Bill on Patients Rights. “Advance Directive – is a document with written instructions made by a person before he/she reaches the terminal phase of a terminal illness or a persistent vegetative state and incapable of making decisions about medical treatment when the question of administering the treatment arises.” You can have that drafted most especially in these Covid-19 times. Your mother will not be able to interfere.It is your right to determine your treatment. Actually, it is taboo in our culture to speak of death but I would do the same to spare my kin of the financial burden and guilt too.
Keep positive,